Shop More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconcreepytechnician: More from creepyTechnician


Featured in Collections

hetalia :3 and thier hostory people and poep by cocosakuya

CountryxReader by Gwen1661

Favorite Stories by kayleen-chan


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
November 3, 2012
File Size
4.2 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
797
Favourites
37 (who?)
Comments
20
×
EnglandxReader- Swingset

I just came up with this, I know it's not very good, it's my first reader insert so please give me some critique!


--Your POV--

It was a cool Autumn evening, and you were hanging out at the park. Alone of course. All your friends thought playgrounds were too baby-ish ad a waste of time. But you didn't care. You sort of like to be alone, and you didn't think it mattered what other people thought.

You walk over to the swingset. Brushing some water and leaves off the seat, you sit down and start to swing. You love the sensation of swinging, just the feelig of your [h/c] hair flying wildly through the wind. It feels like you're flying. You close your [e/c] eyes and swing as high as you can go.

--Iggy's POV--

I was walking home from my brother Alfred's house after he asked me to come over and help with his homework. I'm an exchange student from Britain, but my brother's from America, and he's pure American.
"Bloody Hell." I thought. It was bloody fractions, you'd think he could handle it!

"Hello Arthur!" I hear an adorable little voice.
"Flying Mint Bunny!" Mint Bunny is one of my best friends, but everyone thinks I'm crazy. No one can see him except me and... Oh! That's right. That girl[Name] can see him as well.

[Name] understands me a lot more than all the other bloody wankers I know, so of course she could see him. She also likes my scones.

"You know who I've been wanting to see lately?" Mint Bunny chirped.
"Who?" I ask, still a little lost in thought.
"[Name].." Mint Bunny smirks as I blush. "You were thinking about her too, weren't you."
Before I could answer I hear a voice.
"Hey Arthur!"

--Your POV--

"Hmm? Oh, hello [name]!" The blonde Englishman walking on the sidewalk in front of the park waved. You saw Flying Mint Bunny there as well. "I was just thinking about you" he says, making you flush a tiny bit. He walks over and puts the bags he's carrying on the parkbench. "Aren't you a little too old for swinging?" He chuckles a bit as he watches your [h/c] hair fly all over the place as you swing back and forth.
"No!" You laugh, closing your eyes again.

Lost in thought again as you swung, you didn't realise you had let go of the chains.
"[NAAAAAAAAAMMEEE]!!!!" You hear Arthur and Mint Bunny's voices shriek your name as you feel the seat give way.
"Oh crap!" You fly through the air. "Houston, we have a pr-"
You land on Arthur, who was panicking, trying to catch you. You tumble through the grass and land with a splat in the muddy patch next to a large maple tree.

--England's POV--

"uugh.. What the-" I groan as I lift my face out of the mud. [name] was laying on my back, as she had just flew off her swing and landed us both in the mud.
"Oh, my, god, Arthur?"
"Yea?" I turn my head trying to see her.
"Are you okay, because that was fun." She snickers.
"what's so funny?"
"You're covered in mud!"
"Yeah? well so are you!" I snap, pushing her off my back and scooting over to the large maple tree nearby.

--Your POV--

You picked yourself up out of the mud and smirked at Arthur. He tried to scowl, but it ended with him just chuckling lightly. You step over and lean against his shoulder, making him blush. "Are you mad at me?" You say to him.
He sighed. "No, you're too super cute for me to stay mad at you. I'm just glad you're okay." You look up at him. You watched his face turn pink as he realized what he said.

"Arthur?"
"huh." He grunts. You lean against him and he puts his arm around your shoulders. Then unexpectedly, kisses the top of your head. Surprised, you look up at him, only to see his face screwed up in a strange expression. He spat on the ground next to him.
"blah! You taste like mud!" He bonks you on the forehead lightly.
"hmmm.."You snuggle close to him. "I love you Iggy."

He brushes some of your [h/c] hair away from your face and closes his eyes, leaning against the Maple tree.

"I love you too [name]..."
So sorry for cheesy British fluff!
This is sort of a gift for my cousin ~TazzyGal, Hope you liek.
I'm so sorry if England is OOC, I really just randomly came up with this!

Story belongs to Me.
Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya.
You belong to England.

PLEASE CRITIQUE!
Add a Comment:
 
:iconkaira-g:
You writed awesome! But in story I am on swing :D Anywaaaays, I love it, I mean the Arthurs "bloody hell" the readers "Iggy"... I LOVE IT X3 I think you should write more more and mooooooore X3 If you write a book or somthing, I think this would be awesomness! (Prussia: Not as me. :D)Please write m o r e!!!!!
ou can explain the place, time and everyting, a people can imagine how the lace and time looks, I think you are successful X3 And one more thing.... You are writing awesome (Prussia:not as me..Me:shuddup prussia...) you should develop you this talent, I think ^^ the storys vision, orginality tchnique and impact 5 staaaaaars X3
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconexsakura-lit:
You did really well for your first reader insert!

Good:
-Well-developed storyline
-Well-developed characters
-Good job with the switching of P.O.V.s!
-Flying Mint Bunny!!!

Stuff to work on:
-Spelling
-Capitalization (First letter of a sentence or quote is always capitalized)
-When switching speakers, always start a new paragraph
-Maybe add some more details where you can

Overall, you did a really good job for your first reader-insert. The best thing you can do is keep writing. The more you write, the better you get. Also, keep reading reader-inserts and you might pick up on a few good techniques.

Keep writing!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:icongirlfrom-emeraldcity:
girlfrom-emeraldcity Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I ike it! Its cute! :) good job! is this your first full writen piece?
Reply
:iconcreepytechnician:
creepyTechnician Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
haha, yesh
Reply
:icongirlfrom-emeraldcity:
girlfrom-emeraldcity Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You did good! :)
Reply
:iconcreepytechnician:
creepyTechnician Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:D Thanks so much!
Reply
:icongirlfrom-emeraldcity:
girlfrom-emeraldcity Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
welcome! :)
Reply
:icon6canada6:
6Canada6 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Nice~ lol dude I'm-a diggin yer icon ther~ x3
Reply
:iconcreepytechnician:
creepyTechnician Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks!
Reply
:icon6canada6:
6Canada6 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
you know it~ brah~ :iconlolrageplz:
Reply
:iconodddisease:
OddDisease Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconblushplz:
Reply
:iconcreepytechnician:
creepyTechnician Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Heheh, Grazie!
Reply
Add a Comment: